Pysgodyn!

Sleep

Writing this because I've been awake for over 35 hours and can't sleep. It's 3:23 as I'm writing. I've been listening to classical music, reading, writing to try drop off but nothings working. Gonna brew my sleep tea in a moment. I keep thinking about life and how its fleeting and stuff lately. I think it's because I'm currently reading the Steve Jobs biography and its just scary how someone's life can be condensed into a book like that post-mortem. I keep thinking about how I'm an adult now. I don't really think it hits you when your 18 but just random points in your life when you remember you used to be a kid once and now you're not. I used to lay in bed when I was a little kid and think about how I was a kid and not an adult and how interesting it was that I was perceiving life in that moment as a child. I don't really know how to explain it. But anyway, now I'm doing that but I'm an adult and it makes me sad because I'd like to be a kid again just for a year tops. It's crazy to think of my life experiences so far that have shaped me into who I am now (and will continue to)compared to being a kid that isn't really opinionated on anything.

I like to imagine if me and my friends would be friends if we met as kids and I usually think no because I was an asshole. I don't really have any friends past people I met im 2021 which I find weird because I feel like everyone has their iconic childhood friend, even famous people and characters, and I'm just here without a history. I think writing this is finally getting me sleepy. I wish I could pause time and fuck around whenever I wanted. Life's too serious.