CW Body Hatred
Arggh, I've been doing too much other stuff lately to be able to post online much or just like draw or whatever. I've been spending most of my time doing work, reading Homestuck and I actually made a cosplay of my stupid troll oc that I will post pics of maybe when I can be bothered hehe. My friend cosplayed Karkat and another friend did John then we went out. I got so drunk I fell asleep on John friends legs eventually. It was pretty fun. I really need to reset my alcohol tolerance though. The bouncer at one of the bars we went to kept telling us about how it will be LGBT night today or something which is so fucking funny. He clocked us. But then again, we were in Homestuck cosplays.
I never got that stupid job I was ranting about the other week. I've been applying to like 4 jobs every single day. I'm not too disheartened though, I'll get one eventually. Stupid how hard it is to get a shit job when you literally need one. I also haven't heard anything from the mental health support group I contacted ages ago. I feel a lot more stable compared to a few weeks ago so now I just don't even wanna do this anymore even though I'm like constantly back and forth when it comes to freaking out like that.
Lately I've been feeling pretty bad about my weight gain from starting testosterone (I assume that's it anyway) but I think it really hit me yesterday that I'm pretty chubby now. It was definitely my outfit and makeup not being very flattering but yeah. I'm looking at pictures of myself right now and I just kinda want to start working out again and eating better. Last year I got into a pretty good habit of working out and eating good in like July? But that didn't last very long. I think i could really benifit from losing some weight to help with like fat redistribution and stuff. I've already gotten pretty strong since starting HRT so I could probably get in great shape if I actually tried. I don't think I'm ugly or anything but I don't want to look like this. Shrug. I don't know this bothers me because I think fat people are hot.
I got a big deadline not next week but the week after. I don't feel stressed about it at all but that worries me because I feel like I should be stressed. Whenever I feel fine about a deadline I think I must be missing something. I just feel like I didn't have to crunch to finish the work that much so I must have done something wrong. I'm just gonna spend next week asking about what other people have done and checking I've done absolutely everything I need to do to the best quality. I guess it's nice to not be grinding to finish work on time and just having time to perfect everything.
