More Negative Bullshit
Been feeling kinda sucky lately. I've started eating a lot more though I also haven't drank alcohol for 10 days which is cool. Same for smoking. I've got this crazy back pain now that I just can't get rid of no matter how much I stretch. If I take a deep breath I can feel it and it hurts so bad. I have my last deadline on Friday and idk how I feel. I'm scared I'm gonna think of a million things I should have done before submitting. I don't know. Who cares really, I just want to pass. Do people even give a fuck about your grades? I finally have a new house nailed down. Put a deposit on it and everything. I'm feeling pretty positive about it all, at least forcing myself to.
I felt like such a flop on campus today. I literally just went in to get a tech guy to put an extension lead up on my wall but we both kept getting delayed and I eventually realised I had to just order a whole new cord because the one I had was too short. One of my tutors kept coming to ask my why I was taking so long (not literally like that, just kinda checking on me when I was just sitting there waiting) but I just felt like I was being treated like a toddler because I wasn't pestering the tech guy to come help me when he was busy. I dunno, I don't need to be guided on how to approach another person. Sure, I recognise I'm awkward and sometimes I get a little anxious but telling me to go ask for help isn't going to help me, I alraedy know I have to go do that. I feel like I'm being treated like such an idiot so often by tutors at uni. It bugs me so bad. I just feel like I'd be so much more respected if I could get my words out my mouth right. I feel like a smart person trapped in an idiots body.
I'm seriously so drained with work, I don't wanna do anything else in contributing to my degree show piece even though I know that some things definitely need refining and there's stuff I really want to add. I want to add more writing to it even though I find my writing really embarassing. My tutor said I was a good writer once but it kind of felt like a 1 hit wonder moment. I think I have real good ideas and concepts in my head but I struggle to put them into writing usually. Again, a smart person trapped in an idiots body.
I really can't wait until this deadline is over so I can just chill for a while. Sadly, I get burned out real easy and need a lot of chill time to bounce back. I've been watching a bunch of old furry movies lately. Watched Rock and Rule, A Goofy Movie, An American Tail. Already seen the last 2 before in my youth but they're great, especially An American Tail, wow, the music is excellent, the story, the characters, the animation. Rock and Rule was great. Amazing music and I love the character designs except Omar, Angel and Mok haha. I want to rewatch Alice in Wonderland (the 50s cartoon) soon and I want to watch All Dogs Go To Heaven. I got sad watching some of these movies because it made me think about how kids just don't really get good media anymore. I can't imagine growing up without cartoons by Disney and Don Bluth.
