Pysgodyn!

Don't Read This (It's Cringe)

I was meant to have a phone call appointment today but my doctor never called me. I don't really know what went wrong there. I guess that will be rescheduled or something. I hope I didn't mess something up.

I started a new project at university today and I'm going to focus on the web revival movement and make a website page full of cool illustrations and I'm gonna put up posters to advertise it. It's going to have cool guides and information about the internets relatonship to capitalsim. Keep an eye out for that...

I had a nice conversation with people on my course today, I never really know how to jump into conversations because I never know about the things people are talking about. You should check out Dan Aykroyd's vodka brand

I binge watched the whole My Adventures with Superman show and it's pretty decent. I'm hoping Lex is going to become a bigger character in season 3. I read all the comics too and the story almost got me crying.

What a past couple of days. It seems I'm going to have to remove most people from my friends section since those sites don't really exist anymore. I'm a little sad about it, I sort of feel like I'm back to square one again with trying to make some friends online. I don't hold this against anyone obviously, this is kind of awkward if people I'm talking about are reading this. I love you all and respect your decisions. Uhm, I sort of write these imagining no one is reading these anyway so I hope that's the case.

I sort of just feel a little hollow about it. I don't think it helps that I so badly want to be friends with people and blow how close I am with people out of proportion. I think I'm sort of like this because of growing up without anyone I felt like I could share my interests with and be myself infront of, bla bla autism. And even now I'm so bad at talking to people in real life and I feel like I can only ever make friends by meeting people through people I already know. I'm awful at maintaining relationships too. I feel like I try to make friends with people online so hard because I don't have those same weird social skills on the internet (though I'm still really bad at artiulating what I'm trying to say to people and my tone is always off) and it seems I never really make any friends or stay in contact with people past a couple months. I feel like when things like this happen to me I just turn into more of a shut in and give up on trying to meet people for a while. I hate to whine like this because I have a couple of really close friends in real life and they're great. I think it's just this anxiety in the back of my mind that eventually everyone I meet will move on from me and that's just true of life 99.999999% of the time but it's very lonely and disheartening. Anyway, I recognise this is fully a me problem. I'm going to bury this at the bottom of this blog post because I'm embarassed to have feelings.